Living on Her Terms

This blog is for all the ladies out there livin’ it on their own terms. Never married…married without kids…having children without a partner...marrying or having children later in life. Regardless of the reason why, we’ve chosen to live life in our own way.

There’s a persistent narrative in our society telling us that nice women, good women, “real” women get married and have kids. The modern-day version of this narrative allows us ladies to also have jobs and be career minded. (Extra points to those who can keep that figure tight, because how does she do it all?!)

Middle aged (or older) women without a husband and/or children are a societal head-scratcher. “What’s wrong with her?” people wonder.

Was she not able to have children? What a sad and unfulfilling life! (But it does explain why she doesn’t have a man, bless her heart.)

Or the more incomprehensible: Did she not want children? She must be cold and selfish. A real ball buster. And probably a lesbian.

The horrifying fact of a woman not married is literally discussed among groups of friends when she's not there. They assess her value as a potential mate in terms of her looks, personality, and mental health. Her sexual preferences are debated.

To her face, certain friends say "We need to find someone for you" or "Don't worry, it'll happen someday!" The assumption is that she's unhappy in her current state and awaiting fulfillment in the form of husband and child.

She's a problem to be fixed; a story people fear can't end well because the familiar characters are missing.

She's a living, breathing red flag; she makes people uncomfortable. (An interesting fact to be explored in future posts.)

But the truth is, a lot of women don’t conform to society’s narrative. For a variety of reasons, many women stay single. Or get married and don’t have kids. Some have kids and don’t get married. Some love men, some love women, and some are just focused on other things.

In a society that idolizes the Super Mom and still sees wifedom and motherhood as the crowning achievements of a woman’s life, there’s not much representation of the women who’ve forged a different path. Each for her own reasons, and each by her own right.

We say it’s time to celebrate these women! It’s not easy to live against the grain. But throughout history, those with the strength and courage to script their own narratives have provided future generations with more freedoms to write their own stories. And so it goes down the line.

In this blog, we’ll talk about the challenges and liberations of being a woman living life on her terms. Here's to life beyond the picket fence!